Why Don't I Shut UP?

Has anyone been to McDonalds lately? Of course you have...what am i saying. All I want to know is, what is the deal? When did McDonalds turn into the Health Food Center for middle-class tight-ass beemer drivers? Fruit and Nut salads and bottled water and oh my god...adult happy meals with step counters??? What in the holy hell is going on.

I got news for McDonalds...America loves its fast food. McDonalds doesn't need to jump on all these fad diet band wagons. We don't need the South Beach or the Adkins or the Gopher diet. We don't want to be reminded that eating four Quarterpounders with Cheese for lunch is going to clog our pipes like a German Shephard in a shower.

I have to admit, i'm a little jealous. Most of today's McDonalds have those gigantic jungle gym climby thingies. The most fun we had at McDonalds when I was a kid was shooting the straw paper into my sister's retinas from across the table. I was also an avid salt shaker stacker. I would roam the dining area and collect the shakers from the table and then attempt to build a castle or a wall or whatever. One time I made a fort.

So in closing...McDonalds should promote creativity and sibling blindness by removing the padded jungle gyms. And if you want to put out a real american adult happy meal how about the big mac attack meal that comes complete with super size fries and a grenade launcher?

posted by Michael Witmer @ Friday, July 15, 2005