Wednesday, January 18

For sheer sanity's sake I try not to get too freaked out by television and mass media in general. I've learned to take it all with a grain of salt seeing how most of the time advertisers, agencies, the government, religion..they all use television to make money. So what do they do? They lie. They instill the everyday viewer with fear so that they're coerced into spending their hard earned money. They feed you everything from Global Warming to Bomb Weilding Midget Terrorists Killing for Jesus. And its a scare tactic...maybe to get you to buy more sunscreen or a new alarm system for your house.

But they lie and we suck it up like a sponge. Check out the news...crime is rampant...murder is in your face. At any moment you could walk out of your house and be gunned down by one of the millions of kids running the streets with AK-47s firing wildly into the air. So we turn on the news and get our dose of fear because we all know that the world is going to hell in a handbasket and the only thing that is gonna save us is if we....um...buy the XBOX 360???

And the sad part: WE DON'T question it. Nobody holds these plastic-haired dingleberries to the truth. Real quick, before I get to my real point...national studies confirmed that even though the world is sinking into oblivion (because Pat Robertson says so and he want's you to come to his church) the national crime rate has decreased. Matter of fact, its decreased two-thirds since 1973 and that's just the US. The crime rate all over the world (except Austrailia...them people are downright screwed up, krikey!) has been on a downward decline...judging from the nightly news, it sure doesn't feel that way.

Anyway, I got side-tracked to what i was trying to say...stop getting me off subject here!

The point I was hoping to eventually get to was the length that advertisers are going to sell products. And I have to admit, this one sucked me right in: I was sitting at my drawing board last night smacking my head against the wall for ideas. It usually works but it doesn't do well for my receding hairline. So i have the TV on mute while i'm racking the cavernous void that is my head. I look up (and remember, sound on mute) to find attractive girls stripping down to their underwear.

Well, of course i'm intrigued!

All the girls jump into the lake or the pool or the beer vat or whatever it is and they're splashing each other and having a good time and I just know they want to make out (they do...they just don't know it yet). All except for one girl who is still standing on deck with all her evil clothes on. Now i'm playing dialog in my head instead of turning off mute:

Girl 1: C'mon Sharlene (don't argue...that's her name), the water is great and those clothes look so itchy

Sharlene: I don't know, Elvira. What if there are sharks or killer bees?

Elvira: Oh don't be silly. Strip off those itchy clothes and get in here so we can wrestle

Girl 2: I think my underwear is too small.

Sharlene: Elviraaaaaaa...*sigh* then people will see my frilly little bra *rips shirt off in a flourish*

Girl 2: Is it cold in here?

Elvira: YEAH! That's the stuff you little hooker...

Girl 2: One time in band camp...

Sharlene jumps into the water as all the girls scream and laugh and I smile like a freakin' retard. Now, i could've stored this away for a lonely night and never acquired the self-induced scars but I did something totally stupid. I turned up the volume. The words that came blasting from the speakers sunk my battleship faster than the japs in Pearl Harbor.

"No one needs to know you've got your period..."

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Now all I can think about are plastic applicators and severe bloating. Oh god, get it OUT OF MY HEAD.

That leads me to the task of the week. Watch TV commercials with the sound off. Even if its one or two. As you watch them, ask yourself if the content of the commercial actually ties in with what they're selling or are they just trying to show nips and butt crack to get the attention of the male (or slightly bulky, mullet-headed, nova driving female) consumer?

3 Comments:

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Jaime_Sher said...

*falls over backwards*

THUNK

~~speechless~~

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Michael Witmer said...

YEAH!!!...its still there!!! Granted, its almost on the back of my head. Why don't you donate some of that giant mop of your's. I could use a transplant.

How are you feeling?

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger Michael Witmer said...

can I have some?

 

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