Why Don't I Shut UP?

Greetings residents of San Blogolitos. Sorry its been so long since my last post. I've been swamped working with the Lancaster New Era trying to get the Union Avenue strip published. All my hard work, sweat, tears, flatulations, have finally beared (or born?...i'm the master of grammar) fruit. The comic strip debuts in the evening edition so I"m just sitting here trying not to be excited. I'm actually dreading the article. I am not a "photogenic" person. I have one of those faces that just doesn't know how to fake a smile. Matter of fact, on a lot of pictures I've been in, I could've SWOOORRRN i was smiling but when I get the photo back I look like a sour-puss mofo. Why am i telling you this? Simply because a reporter showed up at my house the other day to do a feature article on the release of the strip. I tried to coax her photographer into taking a picture of ANYTHING but me. I recommended that she pull and old man off the street and take his picture and put my name on it. But that just ended up in some unpleasantness...the old man maced me then proceeded to pee his pants. So needless to say I have an upcoming court date...hahaha.

But really, they HAD to take my picture. And I HATE faking a smile. I mean, what do you think about to put a genuine smile on your face? I tried thinking about everything that I thought was funny. Cow fucking kinda brought a smile to my face. I also had a brief instance where I imagined a bus load of blind swimsuit models inviting me for a week long tour. Of course, in my day dream, I told them I was Brad Pitt's stunt double, which in turn leads to a gigantic grope fest where I end up winded and sweaty.

So now i'm completely dreading seeing that article. I really liked the idea of being a cartoonist because I THOUGHT i could lead my hermitous life and do my own thing...but nooooooooo....hahaha. For those of you with numb heads, I"m being sarcastic. Its sad that, by now, I have to clarify this but yes, i'm very very excited at the opportunity. I still hate having my picture taken. Maybe I should become a vampire...that no reflection thing is a real plus.

It was over 90 degrees here in muggy Amish country. And in typical fashion, my Air Conditioner went tits-up. My overweight Labrador, Gus, was on the verge of heat stroke and heart attack. His big fat ass was panting like R Kelly at a Girl Scout convention. Being the pro-active, go-getter that i am, i ran out to my favorite ethic hang-out (Wal Mart) and bought a AC Window unit. Those things are a HUGE pain in the ass to install. I thought it would be one of those "Slap-It-In and chill out." Oh no. OHHHHHH NO NO NO...that would be too easy.

So after 2 hours of installation steps which included alot of sweating, swearing and smashing fingers (apparently you need a fucking hammer to install a window unit) the AC was in. I had a brief moment of fear that when I turned the switch, the damn thing would take a dump on the rug and fall out the window...but no, it works. And no, Gus didnt' have a stroke. He's still working with all his faculties. YAY GUS!

hope everyone had a great weekend. I actually did. Drop me a line!

posted by Michael Witmer @ Monday, May 24, 2004