Why Don't I Shut UP?

Okay lets get off the political hullabuloo for a moment. I think I need a psychiatrist ovah heeyaahh. Some of you know that I used to play in Drives Like Fire and that it was a pretty huge part of who I was. The band decided to call it quits last month. The decision was actually made long before that but that's all neither here nor there. So anyway, we decided to wrap up the band and it was really a pretty good decision judging on how the band was progressing.

Those of you that know me basically know that I lived and breathed music whether it was writing or playing with the guys or just sitting out on my porch strumming my guitar. It basically consumed alot of my time.

So here comes the odd part. Since the band has ended I haven't touched my guitar. Correction: Yes I play my guitar with my friend Jack Dillman's band. But to me that's a job. I don't pick it up any other time. I don't even want to touch it!!!

Granted, it was a hard switch to get out of "the business" so maybe I just threw ALL the musical switches to off. It was a hard knock saying to myself "your dream is over, dingus." I don't know. But to me it feels like a broken relationship. I feel like i got dumped!! hahah. How fucked up is that? This coming from a person who used to typically write a new song a week. That has stopped. The well is dry.

Maybe I'm avoiding it. I guess I got to that age where I said "hey, you're almost 100 years old now...time to stop living an impossible dream." And that could be my problem. I don't think I ever played in a band without the desire to move to bigger things. Recording contract, tour, albums, the whole thing. I guess being in an eternal garage band just numbed my whole musical nerve. And that is a prime example of living unrealistically. I mean, I played cause I enjoyed it to a certain extent, but I wanted it to take me somewhere. So when it DIDN"T I guess I got a little sour. Twenty years of plugging in bands will do that to you...errr...to me anyway.

I'm really hoping that i can at least come back to sitting around the house playing my guitar and twiddling out tunes here and there. But right now I just can't bring myself to do it. Thanks for letting me vent. I ramble on from time to time.

posted by Michael Witmer @ Thursday, May 13, 2004